Fighting with Myself

 

I want to cave.

 

Fighting..Always fighting.

The only thing I think about anymore is skipping work and giving up, which is not necessarily a realistic ideal but my brain is telling me it is!

It makes me feel like that, but the worst part is another me will not allow that to happen. I would love to just cave to this illness. I want to give in and just let it take over because I am tired. I am tired of fighting with myself. I am tired of having to PUSH myself to do simple tasks, like take a shower, brush my hair and teeth, wear clean clothes.. I force myself to do those things. I don’t do them because I want to, I do them because I am forcing myself to be normal, but….I am tired. I am exhausted.

I am trying my best at work, but anything everyone sees is just a normal person doing a poor job. “Try harder”  “Do this instead” “This is what you are doing wrong”…. but please, can someone tell me what I’m doing right?! No one sees the good I am doing. No one sees me trying my hardest.

That hurts.

I want to cave, so so bad, but I cant. Society will not let me. So what do I do? Keep on fighting.

That is the only thing I can do.

Thanks for reading,

Jas ❤

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